you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
