you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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