It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
