your parents love me but you hate me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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