I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
