don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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