toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
