Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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