Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
