He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
