Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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