after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
