What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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