Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
