1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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