You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
