my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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