12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
