Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
