Jerry, you need to find god
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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