so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
