So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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