I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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