Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So many bounce houses so little time
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
