I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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