And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
