so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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