My hand turned me down
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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