Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
