Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
