just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
