Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
handjob tips. give me some.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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