Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
