It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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