No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
