We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
