Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
