I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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