theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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