I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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