Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
