I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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