If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
