Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
