i think i have herpe
just one?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
