I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
