She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
