oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
