By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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