Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
