D3 body, D1 cock
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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