i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
