im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
