oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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